As a Coach and Therapist and having facilitated over 10,000 1:1 sessions over the last decade, what I have observed in my coaching sessions is this – it doesn’t matter how many $$$ my clients have, how many PHd’s they have studied for, how hot their partner is or how many instagram likes they get daily, if they haven’t achieved self acceptance, long term happiness will FOREVER be out of their reach!!
But isn’t success the true barometer of happiness, I hear you say? Well success that is strived for from someone that has a low self esteem can only ever provide fleeting moments of happiness, validation and pleasure. Then it is back to the inner void of non self acceptance. Many believe that when they get the next million, the next PH’d, the next partner, the next house; that this will “fill” up their inner void. And yes, it can do for a time, but we will always go back to that empty inner space and feel the emotions of boredom, loneliness, discontentment and that familiar feeling of “searching”.
If we can learn to practise self acceptance as a daily priority, the “search” for happiness and success is over. For we have taken the first step to true peace. Self-acceptance, self-love, self-value and self-appreciation is a beautiful journey and one we can all embark on. For it is the path to positive emotion and the strongest foundation for success in all areas of our life!
Self-acceptance will ensure vibrant health, loving relationships, inner happiness and that all success is gained from a creative, serving and non validating place.
Here are 10 ways that we can work on increasing our self-acceptance:-
1. Learn what our ‘wounds’ are. What in your past invalidated you and caused ‘lack’? Are you settling in your finances, your health, your relationships, your career? What limiting self belief is holding you back? Limiting belief examples are “I am unlovable”. “I am not deserving”, “I am not enough”. And these will exist in your life areas of health, finances, relationships, career, habits etc. You can check that they are in existence, by asking yourself “where am i settling for lack in my life?” and then identifying the wound from the past. Once identified, it is essential to go ahead and heal that wound with a good Healer or Therapist, so that that part of yourself is reclaimed, forgiven and released. This ensures the void from within starts to fill with self-forgiveness, awareness and light.
2. Write down all of your strengths, your values, your gifts, your attributes. Learn to love these skills that you have. Own them, accept them and build on them. Keep a daily strength journal. Add to this daily. It IS ok to self-compliment and to self-encourage and to own who you are and what you have to offer to the world.
3. Write down your weaknesses and flaws. Do you have addictions, stress issues, anger outbursts, parenting struggles, phobias, control problems?. If so, write them down, forgive them, own them and set about working on them to remove and heal them. Just one coaching session, a series of meditation classes or the right self-help book can point you in a stronger direction. Self-development and healing does work. With commitment, intention and focus, those things you onceresented about yourself, can become flaws of the past.
4. Learn to have compassion for others. Others (with their brain chemistry, learned behaviours, wired in habits, childhoods and current situations) really are doing the best they can. Know this as a true and integrous thought. “Others are doing the best they can” is a wonderful affirmation. Tattoo this into your mind, so that victim-like reactions to what others do are limited.
5. Learn how to communicate. Learn assertiveness. Learn boundaries. A person that has a true self-worth knows how to communicate themselves with integrity, self-respect and dignity to others. We teach people how to treat us via loving, respectful and firm communication.
6. How are you showing up for yourself? Are you eating well? Exercising regularly? Looking after your skin, teeth, hair, brain, organs, blood, muscles, cells and the amazing vessel that is your body? Those with a deep self-acceptance are always looking for ways to value, appreciate and love on themselves.
7. Find your purpose and serve it to the world No settling for dead end jobs and pay that make you feel non-valued. We all deserve to “give wonderful service in a wonderful way for wonderful pay”. (Florence Scovel Shinn quote – get her book “The Game of Life” – it’s an enriching read). Show up in your work with strength, confidence and deservedness. Love your work with a passion.
8. Learn to meditate. I have been meditating for 2 hours per day recently. Why? Because it is the way I can really feel nirvana, light and a true joy. Meditation for me, has become a ritual for deep inner awareness and self reflection. Meditation helps you to slow and become aware of the mind and your stress triggers. We run guided meditation classes here @ Kelly Armatage Inc. – come and join us.
9. Self talk. It is estimated we have 50-70,000 thoughts per day. If you are feeling negative, a lot of the time, then most of your thoughts will be judgemental and full of stress. Learn to talk to yourself in empowering, encouraging and elevating ways.
10. Keep moving on the self-love path. As the famous actress Shirley Maclaine states in her book “Going Within” – “Self-love is not just a journey, it is the ONLY journey”. Keep going and work on the acceptance, love and value of yourself. In 6 months, 6 years, 16 years – you will be pleased you did so. For this is how you will truly know thyself.